a little over 1 month in...

And our life is amazing!:)

Vi is kicking booty learning English.  Her teachers are extremely impressed with her progress and determination...our amazing friend and translator Julia has given SO much of her time helping Vi.  I'm proud to say that at this point, Vi is in class without a translator...and she is succeeding!  Our daughter brought home several 100% quizzes...oh, and a whopping 100% on her spelling test!!

She is eating exceptionally well, and even getting her own food without asking now.  This is something we've been pushing her to do; feel comfortable in HER home and eat/drink when she wants to...she's about there!

Vi loves her sisters, and her sisters love her.  Al and I could not be happier, as we watch our daughters learn and grow together.  We have had to correct Maddy & Bella, who sometimes think Vi is the little sis:)  Bella says "oh Violet, you are such a sweetie you sweetheart" as if she's talking to a baby:) haha...and Madds last night said "Violet, you have to eat your dinner."  Thanks, 2 year old:)

I'm still in awe at how God chose this daughter so perfectly for us...my heart is so full it truly could burst at any point.

Perhaps the most amazing part of this last month is what's happening at Paw Paw Middle School.  Let me tell you about this amazing group of students and teachers....

Vi is in a self-contained classroom for cognitively impaired students...and it should be noted that I've had the privilege of meeting most of these kids, there is not a nicer group of kids anywhere!  They took Vi under their wings immediately.:)  Anyway...she is with the same 9 students, teacher, and para-pros all day.  The only time they mix with the mainstream ed students is at lunch.  So in a time where we turn on the news and hear about bullies, and problems at school...Al and I were naturally nervous about this lunch situation.  Vi is the new girl at school, who doesn't speak English (sorta:), and she is older than all of the students at the school...in many places, this would be a recipe for disaster.  Well well, NOT at Paw Paw Middle School.

It started with two girls, and now has spread to several more.  These wonderful 8th graders took the initiative to approach Vi in the cafeteria, ask her name, and ask about her life.  They didn't stop there...they went home that night, logged into google translate, and typed letters to Vi...translating them into Russian.  They told her she was beautiful and nice...they said they hope she feels comfortable, and that she makes friends very fast.  These 13 and 14 year old girls said that they could not imagine how difficult it was for her with all of this change, and that they want to help her.  They invited Vi to sit with them at lunch...and now she does.  She has met SO many kids...and every single one of them includes her, talks to her, and smiles at her.  She told us last week that she didn't understand this, because in Ukraine...people are not outwardly friendly.  In a matter of 2 weeks, our daughter went from no friends to more than she can keep up with.

I vividly remember middle school.  I was tortured by one girl in particular...and I remember the most insane arguments with friends.  I remember the insecurity and the gossip.  This is why I get choked up EVERY time I think about the magnitude of what these kids have done.  They've stepped out of their comfort zones...lets face it, they could have been ridiculed or bullied for being nice to the new girl.  But they didn't worry about that...they stepped up, and they reached out.  And it spread...I am forever a fan of these Paw Paw students...we need more like 'em.

Kudos to Paw Paw Middle School Staff (by the way...Vi's teacher and para-pros have become family...they love our girl, and there could not be a better group to get her accustomed to American education).  The people we've met along the way have knocked our socks off with their generosity and accommodations.  The teachers and administration care about Vi, and what's best for her.

I'm sorry it's been such a long time since I've blogged...I will try to keep up:)

Thank you SO much to our friends everywhere who've been with us on this journey...

A personal thank you to my best friends (3rd Friday ladies:) for being with me every step of the way.

God is so good.

Sweet 16

We had a wonderful weekend.  Saturday, we celebrated Violet's birthday...she turned 16 in February, but every girl needs a Sweet 16:)

When Vi blew out her candles, it was extremely overwhelming.  It broke my happy heart to realize that at 16, she was looking at her first birthday cake, blowing out her first candles.  Something that we treat as a simple luxury in life, became life changing for our daughter.  What an awesome moment...and even better,our loved ones were  there to celebrate with us...

Laura (Vi's very close friend, and the woman who got us connected to her) flew in from NC for the weekend.  Violet was on cloud nine:)  Our house was packed, and I mean PACKED, with supporters at her birthday party.  She received beautiful and thoughtful gifts...how strange to watch someone show confusion in opening cards and gifts.  I think that truly, she could not comprehend that all of these people...came to celebrate her.

Al and I are so very thankful for each and every one of you...and we know that several of you could not make it, but that your thoughts were with Violet on this special day...we love you all dearly.


Our life has been changed in a way that I could never fully describe.  To say that we realize our blessings, would be an understatement.  To say that we appreciate all we've been given, would be an understatement.  To say that God brought our family together, and completed us...filled our hearts, well that is right on point.

family of 7

the link to the news clip is below...I will blog more soon...we are a very happy family of 7:)
http://www.fox17online.com/videobeta/a827fcf1-c08a-4ddc-a5dc-c2339eb077cd/News/Family-Welcome-Adopted-Daughter-Home-9-3-11   

USA USA USA!

Al and Violet will arrive in Grand Rapids tomorrow at 4:30pm...our family is rejoicing!

sometimes it takes my breath away...

when I think about this process.  I cannot believe how much it has drained us..not just financially, but mentally and emotionally.  The stress level that comes from the up & down emotional roller coaster, is sometimes too much to handle.  My husband is stressed out in Ukraine, he wants to come home and is missing our girls like crazy.  Violet is absolutely dying to get home to me, she tells me every time we skype..both of their hearts ache.  Al does not have the comforts of home, he has reached the absolute end of his patience level...and today we learned of another delay.  I do not know what this means for us..for our sanity.

I am exhausted.  I love my daughters more than any words could ever explain...it's just that sometimes, I want to be left alone for 2 minutes...or sleep through the night without someone waking up crying...EVERY time my computer makes a noise, the girls yell "daddy" or "Violet"...when it's Kate yelling, I hear "Biolet":)  Then they talk , and then I am bombarded with the same exact question...when will they be home?  Yesterday, I had an answer...today, I do not.  I am tired of this process.  It makes NO sense to me, and it is the very thing that is complicating my life to the point of absolute and total exhaustion and defeat.

Make NO mistake, I am thankful beyond belief that our adoption was granted.  I am thankful to those who made it happen, most of all being my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Today though...tonight...it's rough.  I am sad, mad, lonely and overwhelmed all in one.

I miss my husband more than I could ever explain.  If you ask me, 11 weeks is long enough for him to be in Ukraine.  I miss Vi...I need my daughter to be home with her sisters.

I do realize I sound like a spoiled brat in this post.

 I also realize that my life is blessed, totally and completely blessed.  We won in the Court of Appeals, when really, we probably stood NO chance.  We have 5 healthy and beautiful, smart & caring daughters...I have a husband who loves me with every last bit of his soul, and I love him just the same.

BUT C'MON.  Enough is enough...I need my family to be together.  I need Vi to be in her home, in her own brand new bedroom, with her family that loves her.  I need my daughters to have their daddy back home...I need them to stop growing up so fast, because he is missing SO much.  I need my husband back.  I need to feel whole again.

I need to continue to pray for patience and understanding....because they are both fading fast.  God has never failed me, and will never fail me...I know this..I am just struggling to keep my stress level down, and my happiness level up.

I have NEVER felt exhaustion like this.

Saturday, September 24th

Please email me at daniellelittel@yahoo.com if you are interested in coming to Violet's Sweet 16 & Welcome Home Open House...

I am choosing not to post our address publicly, because even though I know NONE of you:) are anything but wonderful people...this IS a public forum and I don't want the world knowing where we live!!

Saturday, September 24th 4:00pm-7:00pm

Please stop by to welcome Violet to the USA! We will be celebrating her birthday too, with snack foods, beverages, and cake. We are holding this as an open house type of event, so as not to overwhelm her with so many people at one time. We really look forward to seeing you there, and introducing our amazing new daughter! Thanks for ALL of your support throughout the last year:)

We would love to include anyone & everyone who has been with us on this journey...I recognize that not all of these people are on Facebook or the internet/our blog. Please feel free to invite ANYONE you know who has so much as prayed (because that has been the BIGGEST factor:) for Violet...This is not just for people who have financially supported our cause..while that made her adoption possible, it's the prayer and emotional support that paved the road for us...

We cannot wait to celebrate with you!

Praise Jesus

our daughter is coming home...more details to come...but God worked through these amazing judges..SHE IS A LITTEL!

and still we wait

We expected to have our answer on the 10th, but the court decided to postpone their judgement until next Wednesday, the 17th...we've been told this is a good thing.  I guess it is better than another refusal, but when we have been waiting a year (365 days exactly this Monday)...another week seems like an eternity.

The judges were much kinder to us this time...overall (where the judges are concerned), we felt like this was a better experience.  They treated Al, Violet, and me, with respect.  Our girl was so impressive...she is very shy and soft-spoken.  We worked with her the day before court on making eye contact with the judges, and speaking clearly & loudly.  Honestly, I did not know if she had it in her.  Let me tell you, that girl walked to the front of the court room...and if I could only choose one word to describe her, it would most definitely be BOLD.  The pride was written all over our faces..she is so amazing.

I am keeping draft blogs that go into more detail. I will publish these at a more appropriate time...until then, please keep praying for a positive ruling next Wednesday..

Thank you all, so very much, for your support.

Tuesday 8/9

We had a meeting with the attorney today, and then went to Violet's new orphanage.  It is a nice place, I guess.  Al recorded when we saw her for the first time, so when I get home I'll share it...we don't have the proper cords with us to post it now.

It was a wonderful feeling to hold her in my arms again...she didn't let go, and neither did I.  She was so eager to talk with us.  We had a tough time getting the computer to work, so we refrenced the English/Russian dictionary a lot.  It didn't take long before we could just understand eachother though!!  Right back to where we left off when we were in Ukraine last time!  The BIGGEST blessing is that she did know we were coming...that was my biggest fear.  When we left last time, she was afraid we would not come back.  It is pointless to try and reassure someone who only knows how to be let down that you will return for her...when we asked her today if she knew, she shook her head in a very excited yes.  My heart smiled at that....

This new orphanage director said that she believes if Violet had been in school from the beginning, she would not have any issues with learning...seems to me someone else has said that from Day 1..oh yes, it was her mother, ME.  I do not say this to spite anyone..I just say it to prove the bond between a mother and her children...not always a biological mother either...just a real mother, which is how I define myself with it comes to Violet Dasha  Littel.

I cannot even begin to cover the mixed emotions that Al and I are experiencing right now..one minute we are confident tomorrow will go our way, and the next, we expect the worse.  Two things worth noting though...take them as you wish.

1) I have been praying, about 90% of each day...that's what I'm doing:)  I have asked for God to show me some sort of sign...I don't want to go in tomorrow expecting to walk out with my daughter (in the legal manner), only to have the appeal denied.  Last time, we were completely shocked...we were not prepared...I cannot face that much heartbreak at one time again..so I've just been praying for Him to give me a peace, either way.  So yesterday, on our flights from Chicago to Germany, and then from Germany to Kiev..our seats were 23E and 23F..both flights, the exact same seats.  Al, Violet, and I all have birthdays on the 23rd..E could be for effort (which we have all shown) and F for family, or February (Vi's bday), or Finally:)lol...I am no fool...I know this could be a simple coincidence....and if this has happened to you before...same exact seat, 2 different flights...please don't tell me because I am grasping on to anything right now.

2) I absolutely cannot picture my life without Violet.  I can't imagine not waking her up in the morning for school, and I can't imagine her not being there for the holidays, birthdays etc...I truly can't even envision what that would be like...so I feel like that just has to mean something. Right?

We got to spend time with Violet's friends Christina and Vlera today...what I wouldn't give to find them a home..preferably in Paw Paw, MI:)  Those are two absolutely amazing girls and they adore our daughter.  They love to sit with us when we are there...we could read the phonebook to them, wouldn't matter.  They just love to be noticed, to be valued.  They just want someone to SEE them...girls, I promise I see you...and I will continue to see you for the rest of my life.

We talked to our facilitator today about ways to get them to the USA...even on an exchange program or something.  I just don't understand why it's so hard to bring these girls to our wonderful country..I feel something stirring inside of me, like digging deeper, pushing past barriers to create new rules for these orphans. I mean, these are kids bright enough to change the world...happy enough to make you permanently smile..and loving enough to wrap your heart.  We need them...more than they need us.  They are a beautiful gift...

I pray every person has the opportunity to visit an orphanage.  Do not shy away from it...don't be scared of the pain, or what you will see.  Let's get it out of the way right now...you will hurt.  You will see the worst side of awful.  But more than that, you will see God's most precious gifts...and they will open your eyes forever.

written Monday night on our last flight

It is currently 7:37pm in Ukraine.  We’ve left Kiev, and are flying to Simferopol…our final destination in this 4 flight process.  Al and I have been awake for over 30 hours right now…and we are dragging.  As we were taking off, I was staring out the window at the land below me…the Ukrainian land that is currently home to my daughter.  All at once, I realized the magnitude of these next 3 days.  And I wanted to jump up and down and make someone, anyone, hear me.  How is it possible that we are back here again, to fight for something that should have been automatic?  Something that is right, in every single aspect?  I cannot figure this out…I can only hope it becomes part of the story we get to tell our daughters for years and years to come.  The story that ends with our oldest daughter coming home, to Paw Paw MI…where she has always belonged.  If this is the outcome we reach, I’d do all of this 100 times over…

I have been so faithful these past few days…just really believing that justice will prevail at 10:30am on Wednesday morning.  So why now, am I letting nervousness take me?  I believe God gave us our daughter, so why can’t I believe the Ukrainian government will give her to us?

I am scared to death.  I am scared that the words I’ve been imagining hearing from the judge, will not be the words that he actually says.  I’m afraid that we’ve given hope to a girl, promised her a family that we may not be able to give her.  And all of this lies in the hands of people that I cannot say this very thing to…

I have SO much to say…so many thoughts, so much emotion to cover.  I cannot imagine my life without Violet, I don’t know what my house will be like, if she is not in it.  Last week, Bella got emotional…and teary eyed saying that she really wanted to see Violet.  So how do I explain this to a judge?  How do I tell him that the decision isn’t actually his…she is already our daughter, our sister, our niece, our granddaughter.  We need a few papers signed by the judge..but we don’t need an answer…God gave us the answer August 15, 2010.

So if I know all of these things, and I desperately do…I believe them in the deepest part of my soul…how do I ignore the nerves and the fears?  How do I stop picturing my daughter’s life if she is to remain in Ukraine?  I don’t want to give doubt a way to creep in…with everything in my being I want to push it away…I just feel like I don’t know how.  I feel unsettled, and I don’t feel a peace about our hearing…and there is no way to describe how much that scares me.

Please, please pray for these 3 judges.  Please pray that God would speak into their hearts…that He would open their eyes to our family and the place that Violet has in it.  Please pray for strength for Violet…as hard as this is for us…I know it is unimaginably worse for her.  She knows what her life becomes, if she does not come home with us.  She needs God to give her all the peace and comfort her beautiful heart needs to feel whole.  Our daughter needs  us…please pray for that to be apparent when we go to court on Wednesday.

getting close!

Al and I fly out Sunday, headed to Ukraine for the final time.  We are both extremely eager to get there, hug our daughter, and hear the words that she is legally ours.  We DO believe this WILL happen.  Our court date is Wednesday, Aug 10...we will have an answer that day and will keep everyone posted...thanks for your prayers in advance:)

oh what a night

When I left the house tonight, I thought I was getting together with my girlfriends to celebrate Lindsay's 30th birthday..we did that, but I also received a surprise of my own.  About 20 minutes after I sat down, Al walked in with my amazing friend Heather (of a LONG TIME:)...they surprised me with an early birthday celebration because Al will be in Ukraine when I turn 30 (ewwww:).  Well...add another surprise to the night when Allie walks over (Publisher's Clearing House has NOTHING on her:) with this huge check to put toward the adoption.  I was sobbing in my hands once I realized what was happening, and Al (who only saw the side of the paperboard) thought they made me a giant birthday card (he was in on the bday surprise, but not the adoption $$)..so he thought I was a wacko for crying!!:)

I cannot believe how truly blessed we are to have such an amazing support team..you all blow us away with your thoughtfulness...your generosity is appreciated more than you will ever know, more than I could ever explain.

To my friends who organized this...I love you.  Friendship is not just a word, because of you all...it's a feeling that keeps me warm & fuzzy.  You each bring an element into my life that makes me want to be better, to do better.  Love you forever..

Thanks to all who participated in this...we love you, and we appreciate you!:)

here we go again, just laying it all out there!

We spoke with our facilitator Friday, and learned that financially this next trip is going to be much more than what we'd originally anticipated. Initially, Al and I freaked out and wondered how on earth what seemed like the impossible, would become possible.  We cleaned out our savings account and used up all of our bank/friends/family resources for loans and donations for the $37,000 portion of our adoption...no one planned for this second portion, we certainly did not plan on having to file an appeal.

I've re-contacted all of the adoption foundations that I did last fall...and even found some new organizations that I've applied to.  Since we need to leave August 7, planning a fundraiser right now might not be possible.

This trip will cost approximately $9,000.  This does NOT include Dasha's trip home.  It does NOT include any costs we will incur through her transportation to/from the orphanage, to the city where the hearing will be held.  It does NOT include our airline tickets, which PRAISE THE LORD have been taken care of by wonderful new friends we met through the network of Ukrainian adopting parents (thank you SO much, you are beyond appreciated)!

If you feel in your heart that you want to donate/loan to this adoption..thank God and thank YOU!  Contributions can be sent directly to OJM at 5106 Lover's Lane Portage, MI 49002 (make sure to write Dasha).  It will be tax deductible, and will be a part of what brings our daughter home.

We do not like asking for money..though since beginning this process, I am sure you're inclined to believe otherwise.:)  We have been praying, and asking God to show us the way..His way..to make this happen.  I have been very against making this public knowledge...but 30 minutes ago I got an overwhelming feeling that I needed to get it on our blog.  I know the Lord wants this adoption.  I know He created Dasha so that she would be our daughter..so if reaching out for help again will make it happen, I will absolutely do that.

Thank you so much for your support & prayers.

our appeal date

is August 10...we are very anxious for that day to arrive..

Most of the time, we are very confident that everything will work out the way it is supposed to.  We believe in God, and believe this is His plan...so it's reasonable to believe that His plan would triumph, right?

The scary thing is that sometimes, fear and doubt DO creep in.  The fact is, we were not expecting to have our first application to adopt denied.  It's also true that there were not any legal reasons for the denial...just opinions about our intentions.  So how do we explain to 3 new judges that Violet is our daughter?  How do we tell them that our intentions are just the same as what they are for her sisters...that we want her to feel secure, safe, and loved.  That we want her to know her self-worth, and let it guide her through high school and college graduations...through careers and relationships.  That we want to teach her how healthy relationships function & how mothers care for their children...she's not been shown these basic things that so many of us take for granted every day.  How do I make them see the wonderful gift Violet has in having my husband for a father?  They cannot come to our home, and watch us everyday...they cannot see how Al teaches our daughters independence and values.  They cannot see that he is instilling self confidence in them on an hourly basis...they know they are number 1 for their daddy..each of them...and I swear their eyes smile every time they see him.  How do I tell these judges that every time I look at ALL 5 of my daughters, I wonder how on earth people can say with a straight  face that there is no God??  Only God could create these perfect beings that I am lucky enough to call mine..

 I can write everything down that I want to...I can speak any words that I feel.  I can do these things until I am blue in the face...but in the end, our future as a family, and the fate of our daughter..it rests in the hands of 3 judges that don't know us, and only get MAYBE a few hours of face time.  They have 100s of papers about us, but it just isn't enough...I want them to KNOW us and see just how much we love Violet Dasha Littel.  I want this to be the easiest case they have ever had, because it is so unbelievably obvious!!

Several times a day, I think about what it will feel like to announce that legally, Violet is ours.  It is almost all-consuming..I get choked up every time, and I know that I am counting on this moment that may or may not happen..THAT is a scary thought.

The weekend of August 14, 2010...Violet (then Dasha:) became our daughter in our hearts.  Now, almost a year later, we are just praying that it becomes official in the legal system.

a brief update

I know many of you do not follow us through email or facebook, so I want to announce a brief update.  I cannot provide much detail in a public forum, as the adoption is now an ongoing case.  We were denied in our application to adopt yesterday.  Our appeal is already in motion, and will be filed next week.  We have every confidence in our facilitator and team...we still believe God's plan is for Violet Dasha to come home with us and we will keep fighting for that.

"If God is for us, who can be against us!"

Why a daughter needs a dad...

Happy Father's Day!

I am back in Ukraine, with Al & Violet...it's been wonderful getting to see them both.

I want to take some time in this blog to talk about my husband...my husband is a man who met a single mom (of two perfectly amazing little girls), fell in love, and took the girls as his own.  My husband is a man who is now the father of 5 daughters, and not just a father...but a dad.  He is a wonderful, loving, and nurturing dad.  He is a dad that looked to sell all of his personal belongings when I came home last August, and with a straight face, said that I wanted to adopt a teenage girl. He is a dad that when this adoption is all said and done, will have spent over 2 months in Ukraine just to make sure our daughter comes home safely. He is a dad that lights up the eyes of 5 beautiful little girls every time they see him.

My husband made me believe in love again..he taught me how to trust, and that it IS possible to put all of your faith in someone, and allow them to keep your heart safe.  He did that for me, and he'll continue to do it for our daughters...how blessed the 6 of us are, to have him with us in this lifetime.

Happy Father's Day!  Court is tomorrow at 3pm...updates to follow:)  Prayers please!

4:10am

And I just found out that we have a court date...PRAISE GOD!

June 20, we will go to the Ukrainian court to prove that Dasha is our daughter, in every sense of the word...

Time for me to look at flights, so this is all I will blog for now...more to come later:)

Thank you Lord!!

decisions decisions

I did not plan to blog about this, in fact, I planned NOT to.  But of course it has been on my mind constantly, and I've changed my thought process.  At first I thought..no point in telling people that there might be some hope, just to have to tell everyone, again, that our application was denied.  But I've realized that negativity has taken over me these last several days...and in an attempt to beat it, I am going to share some news & count on the power of prayer.  I am witness to the fact that prayer changes the world, every single day.

Because our facilitator is so persistent and skilled at his job, he went back after our second denial and plead our case again.  The judge requested some additional documents, which were gathered immediately and presented today.  The judge is reviewing our application and this supplemental paperwork, and we hope she has a change of heart and decides to grant us a hearing.  Normally, I'd follow this with "we will know tomorrow."  But after 4 days of hearing that, and it NOT being true..I will leave it at this..when we know, you will know too.

The range of emotions over this last week has been unimaginable.  We've experienced anger, sadness, happiness, hope, defeat, helplessness, frustration, more anger & sadness, emptiness, more defeat..and finally now, we are left with some hope.

Please pray for God to work on the heart of this judge.  Pray for Violet, who is looking and feeling defeated and sad.  Pray for our facilitator, that he may keep up his strength and perseverance.  Pray for my husband, that he would feel hope and energy as he is starting to lose steam...pray for our daughters (the 4 at home) that they would have some peace where they miss their daddy.  They are just dying to meet their sister, and see daddy..please pray that this is not too far off in the distance.  I'd also like to ask for prayers concerning my health.  I had an ultra sound on Tuesday, which revealed a mass on my liver.  Not too much is known at this point, as it is lodged between my liver and gall bladder.  I have an MRI on Tuesday, and hopefully we will learn more then.  Truth be told, I am not overly concerned...how blessed am I to be in the USA where we have amazing medical care:)

So...there is a prayer list (you're welcome Allie:)  Let's all pray for good news to come tomorrow, that Violet will be coming home SOON!

Thanks everyone, your support is amazingly appreciated!  

if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all..

so I will simply say that the 2nd judge in our region will not be taking our case.  The plan now is to move Violet to a different orphanage where international adoptions are more common...

I guess the one nice thing I can muster up is that I'm thankful for our facilitator, who works tirelessly on our behalf.

we wait another day..

The judge is out of the office today, so we are hoping for news tomorrow...I might just start to copy and paste this...

no news today

Many of you have been such an amazing support, and I want to keep you updated.  Unfortunately, we will not be receiving any news today.  Now, the paperwork will be submitted tomorrow...we are praying for that to happen, followed by some good news.  Thanks for the continued prayers and support..

today came out of nowhere

We are now up against some pretty tough challenges with the adoption...at this point, I can't get into specific details.  Al and I ask that you pray, and gather prayer from anyone & everyone that you know..pray for the Lord to work on the hearts of those in charge of granting adoptions in the legal system.  Pray for Violet to keep up faith and strength during this time..pray for our adoption team who is working endlessly to see this through..please pray for my husband, as I will be flying home this weekend to be with our youngest 4 girls, and he will be here alone for a few weeks. Pray for him to keep up his faith and strength..pray for him to gain peace when he is missing his family so heavily...please pray for our family...we didn't really see this coming, and we need to regain our momentum and optimism.

I know the Lords plan is bigger and better than mine..I just have to keep saying that, over and over..

It's been a few days..

since I've posted, and believe me..it's not due to lack of time.  There is A LOT of down time in this process.  In fact, if we were not missing our daughters like crazy, worried about having enough money, constantly assuring our safety, oh..and visiting orphans everyday and trying to come up with ways to save them all...we would ALMOST think we were on an extended vacation.  No..I took a little break from blogging because I was sick for a few days..and then when I felt better physically, my mental state was such that there was so much going on in my head, I could not think of a decent way to summarize it all.  It almost felt like there was nothing to write, when truly...I could have written for days.

So I will ease myself back into it, with a fairly light (but probably lengthy:) blog...

First of all, my apologies to the chefs that I was cursing Sunday morning, while laying on the bathroom floor.  I was so sure I had food poisoning, but when the same exact thing happened again Tuesday morning..I realized that it was more likely my ulcer was flaring up, rather than food poisoning.  I really have no idea how it slipped my mind Sunday morning, but honestly the pain was so intense I could barely focus on Al..let alone remembering exisitng health conditions.  I am now 2 days free from pain, and my mom and dr arranged a scope for me right when I arrive back home..so I am doing my best to avoid stress (haha:) and eating nothing but water and the blandest of foods.  Unfortunately, there is nothing even remotely close to Pepto in Ukraine...so for now, I count on prayer that it just will not happen again until I get home.  Yes, I know.."what were you thinking Danielle, why not bring some along?"  There is no good answer for that:)

Our relationship with Violet is progressing wonderfully.  She is definitely a mama's girl...I think some time with Papa (when I leave for home after court) will be really great for those two to bond.  She clearly adores him, I just think that having a woman to look up at and love, when you've never had that, is something to cling to.  I know from being a daughter AND a mother..that the bond between a mother and daughter is something that cannot be explained in words..only through our eyes and our hearts.

We are absolutely shocked at how well she is doing with her reading, and learning english..yesterday we worked on the alphabet (which she basically already knew) and common words.  She surprised us with her fast paced learning, and boy is she eager...she knows how to spell, read, and say the following words..

V i o l e t D a s h a L i t t e l　
Mama Papa Grace Bella Maddy Kate　
Grandma Grandpa
Mom Dad 　
school house car dog 　
cat fish bed 　
red blue green white pink yellow
orange black purple brown 　
pants shorts shirt socks
shoes coat boots

She knows what each word means, or who it pertains to.  I even tried to trick her when we were going through the family names.  I thought she was just going by memorization, so when I got to Kate, I typed in Grandma instead..she looked at the word, and sounded it out.  I was so proud of her...she recognizes her sisters names not because she memorized the look of the word, but because she has been working hard to learn.  I am telling you, our daughter is bright and is going big places...so she will fit in well with her 4 sisters:)

We took her shopping the other day, because she has not changed clothes one time since we've been here.  We brought her to our room/the beach for the day and wanted her to have some "summer clothes"..and honestly, clothes that did not smell so awful.  We let her pick our her own outfit..made us cringe:)lol..but the style here IS different.  It is slightly more revealing than we would choose, but I was not ready to get into that discussion yet.  One of her friends at the orphanage just went google eyed over Violet's new shirt and shorts..we decided that when we leave to come home, we will give the outfit to Christina (her friend).  Violet has more clothes already, in her closet at home, than she will know what to do with..we think she will be excited to give the outfit to a friend.

When we took her back to the orphanage after being with us all day, they directed us back to the sea.  When we got to where they'd sent us...we saw all of the older kids at the orphanage "bathing" in the sea..by bathing, I mean the girls were down to their bra's and underwear and the boys to their underwear...they were in the water "washing" with no soap...the kids were all freezing, but this is how they get "clean."...and then get right back into their dirty clothes that they've been in for days.  Now do realize, as I say this, it is NOT to slam the orphanage..this is just the reality of what these places have to offer.  They don't have the funding to purchase soap, toothpaste, toilet paper, toothbrushes etc...these things are extras..luxuries for these orphans.  The day after seeing this, I was applying my Nivea lotion...and I just felt sick to my stomach.  How blessed I am to have something as simple as lotion...I wonder if these kids even know what lotion is??

Being at the orphanage more, we are able to make some observations.  I will start with the positive.  We've met some WONDERFUL teachers who truly seem to care about these kids..I would say 3-4 adults in particular really seem to love the kids, and want better for them.  On the opposite end...there are some teachers that Al and I would like to take on a little walk, you know..like a blindfolded walk out into the middle of the jungle..that kind of walk.  Between a few extreme bullies, and some of these teachers..I find myself talking Al's emotions down at least once per visit.  You might find this ridiculous, but I am SO proud of my husband's fierce desire to protect these kids!!  I love and appreciate the fact that he wants to shelter the weak..my 5 daughters have the most amazing dad:)

Our facilitator returns to our region today, and we are looking forward to having our translator back!  I must say, the job we've done fending for ourselves hasn't been too shabby..but sometimes it's exhausting!

We are missing home very much...it seems like we've been away from the girls for an eternity.  This morning, after we made some office visits and completed paperwork, we decided to shop for the girls, and our nieces & nephews.  It actually made us feel better..closer to them...to buy them things we know they will love.  It was really nice to look at items that personally reflected each daughter, because it made me feel like they were right there nestled in my heart..for instance, we had to get Bella the most hideous purple skirt..because that's her taste..purple and as frilly as can be:)  Gracie loves her writing..so we got her some beautiful diaries and pens, for Maddy it's Mickey Mouse, and Kate loves her hats!  It made us both really excited to purchase items for them, from the country that their big sis comes from:)

Not too much to report as far as court dates, or any projected dates for returning home yet...we are praying we hear something by tomorrow, but trying not to get too caught up in it..otherwise, it might very well drive us crazy. 

Oh, and something else worth noting..I am becoming a master at laundry without a washer and dryer..I do not like it..not a single bit..but I will kiss my washer and dryer when I get home.  If you think I am kidding, I invite you to my house on my first day back:)

Lastly..I thank God that Violet's orphanage happens to be where it is.  We know some other families were not so lucky with the regions they adopted from, as far as the location goes.  I feel very blessed that I get to look at The Black Sea everyday..I get to smell the salt water, and feel the breeze.  If I have to be away from MY life for such a long time, I cannot imagine doing it without such beautifulness surrounding me.  I have to give the sea a lot of credit for me still being somewhat sane:)

and it turns out those who came before us, and those who know the process..well, they were right.

I've hit a wall...we had a really nice morning together, and our time with Violet & the kids was wonderful.  The balls, jump ropes & frisbees were a huge hit...I mean HUGE.  So that was just a few hours ago...and here I am now in a totally different state.

I miss Gracie, Bella, Maddy & Kate so much I feel like my heart might burst.  I miss the smell of the tops of their heads..I miss Gracie's energy, Bella's humor, Maddy's smile & Kate's hugs...I miss my girls, I miss them SO much.  I am SO lucky to be able to spend my days with them..I long for the next few weeks to fly by so I can get back to that...

I miss seatbelts.
I miss being able to read a menu.
I miss feeling safe on walks (for the most part we do here, but tonight was an exception)
I miss feeling safe when police officers are near, not feeling like a target.
I miss my church.
I miss calls from my best friend when my mornings are at the complete busiest point (though to her credit, she said this last night "it is $4/minute for me to call you, but I don't even care."
I miss my family...parents, sister & brother..grandparents..especially my nieces & nephews.
I miss Lucy saying "DD house."
I miss The Sugar Bear
I MISS MY BED.
I miss my daycare kids
I miss milk
I miss my girls. I miss my girls. I miss my girls.
I miss my dog
I miss my Crazy Love group SOOOO much.
I miss smiles from strangers

I am sure I sound like a complainer...and I guess that's fair.  I will say that everything with Violet is going perfectly..in fact, much better than we ever imagined it to be this quickly..and I love her to absolute pieces.  I love the time we get to spend with her.  I am just ready for it to be at home, with our family complete.

Tonight Al and I are both really down..this is a hard night...it's hard to think about our babies at home..I hope they don't feel like we abandoned them..Please Lord, give them comfort and hug their hearts with our love.

I absolutely cannot wait to go home.

it is possible to break a happy heart

The last few hours were some of the most powerful of my entire life..on our ride home I was thinking "I cannot wait to get back to our room and blog." Now as I sit here on my computer, I am at a loss for words..between laughter and tears...we've experienced quite a bit today.

We bought several different nail polishes today..when we got to the orphanage I painted Dasha's fingers and toes right away...she was elated. I told her to gather her padrugas (friends) and see if they wanted to get their nails painted too...they lined up like crazy, and we had a BLAST! The girls were so excited that we included them, and they kept looking back and forth from me to their nails in absolute delight.

While this was a really fun time for all of us, in the back of my mind I could not help but realize that the future for these girls is not good...not good at all. I probably painted the nails of 8 girls..the odds that 1 or more of them will become a prostitute are, well, about 100%...the odds that 1 or more of them will not live another 10 years...those are pretty high too.

I had to fight really hard (and I did not win) to hold back the tears at one point...I looked down at the nails I was painting, realizing that this girl is in this "institution" because she had careless parents who were willing to send her off into a bleak future. I am trying to keep my anger in check, but in this moment..I was so mad I could have screamed...we need to wake up, our innocent children are paying the price. Orphans are everywhere in this world..and to be quite blunt, I think it is despicable. I think we need to somehow work to solve this problem.

I had to go to the bathroom today..I walked in and saw there was no toilet paper...I went back out and asked Violet where it is kept..she asked one of her friends, and looked at me shamefully to say there was none. MY CHILD IS LIVING IN A PLACE WHERE SHE DOES NOT HAVE ANY TOILET PAPER. This is unfathomable to me.We will be stocking up on it tonight, and taking it to the orphanage tomorrow.

When we were sitting outside waiting for our driver today, I made sure to hug each of the girls..I kissed their heads and told them they were beautiful...their smiles could have melted the angriest of men. I don't know how long each of them has been an orphan..I don't know their stories, and I don't even know some of their names...but I am certain I know at least one of their dreams..and today, for 2 hours, I got to fullfil those dreams..for 2 hours today, 8 girls had a mama..they had a mama who adores them and saw their inner beauty...in about 2 weeks, I will never see them again...but they will each hold a piece of my heart. I pray that they break the mold in Ukraine..I pray God watches over them, that He may protect them from all they have to fear..
　
Let me also add that my husband was a total rockstar today..he even fixed some smudges on nails while I was busy with another girl. He made funny faces with them, and taught Violet how to use mama & papa's camera..oh how she loved that, showing off for all of her friends. They were all posing, and even Al got in on the pictures. He played the dad role for these girls, and most of them probably have never known that.

This trip is sometimes too overwhelming for me to take it all in..
　

what we see when we aren't looking

I am embarrassed to admit that 2 weeks ago I thought we would come to Ukraine, go through all of the legal formalities, collect our daughter and get the heck outta here. I thought I would be dying to get home, and that I would be miserable in this "terrible place." MAN, what a jerk I was 2 weeks ago..

Let me tell you a little bit about this "terrible place" that I figured would be such hell...
We are staying in a small room, owned by a Tar-Tar family who absolutely could not be sweeter or more accomodating. Our room and bathroom might be small, but they are very clean. They have a little girl (probably 9) who follows me everywhere...she picks all of the flowers around here to give to me:) She loves coming in the room with us..probably because I spoil her with cookies and candy!:) We are less than a minutes walk from The Black Sea, which could not be more breathtaking..I am certain that the tourquoise-blue color of the water could not be duplicated. The smell of the sea is perfect..

We do not have kitchen appliances (or any appliances for that matter) in our room..so other than the snack food we keep in here and can eat for breakfast (and sometimes lunch), we have to go out for meals. We found a nice little cafe by the beach, it's about 10 minutes from our room. We've gone there everyday, not because the food is so exceptional, but because I have fallen in love with the smile of the waitress who works there..she is there from open to close and works so very hard. I have no idea what she is saying to us, and she can't understand our words either (getting better now with our russian/english dictionary:) but this young woman is so warm and kind. They don't tip very well in Ukraine...Al and I are high end tippers even by USA standards..so you can imagine her elation here. We are on a strict budget in Ukraine, but Al and I both said we'd gladly skip a meal a day to be able to give her extra tip money..you would too if you saw the way her eyes sparkle when she counts the cash and we tell her to keep it. Believe me, you would too.

We are in a very small town..and the school here completely intrigues me. It is old and falling apart..it's on a tree covered dirt road..the lilac bushes and beautiful gate that separate it from the street are amazing..it is something out of a magazine..how can it be so old, in such poor shape, yet be beautiful at the same time??

There is garbage everywhere here...all kind of garbage, everywhere I turn. The smell is not plesant, nor is the sight of it..the houses are run down and in most cases, would be condemmed in the US. But let me tell you, the gates and the gardens in this place are truly second to none..I LOVE walking around and looking at them..the flowers and bushes are gorgeous..I mean just stunning...we are definitely in a poor part of the world..but God's beautiful nature exists everywhere..Ukraine is no exception.

The Ukrainian people as a whole aren't the friendliest..they don't really make eye contact, and smiling is not all that common...but everyday I wake up and vow to keep waving, to keep smiling at them. I find it to be quite overwhelming to look at someone here and realize that ultimately, we share the same Father. How is it possible to feel connected to someone who I do not know, and who truthfully probably doesn't care to know me?? I have no idea, but I know it's a powerful feeling.

Don't get me wrong..Ukraine is not in great shape. There is prostitution (adult and child) everywhere...we have seen many many homeless people...the roads, houses, and buildings are in bad shape..but when I look past that, I see the beauty in nature that God created..it becomes really easy to focus on that instead of the poor conditions..

I would be lying if I said I'm not dying to get home..but ONLY because I desperately long to have my family pieced back together...NOT because I despise Ukraine.

I've learned SO much in the short week that we've been here. I still feel (and always will) blessed to be an American. I believe we are lucky to live where we do..we are fortunate and we are free. But we are NOT better...I love my children just the same as a poor single mother here does..my heart beats just the same way as hers, and I desire to nurture my babies just like her...we just really are not that different.

I am so thankful to my God for the life He has provided me..I am thankful for this path He sent me on..

A new future, a new name..

Our daughter asked us today if she could be called Violet Dasha Littel, instead of Dasha Violet Littel.  Before completely agreeing, we told her we would have to make sure it was ok with Amy & Justin (Baby Violets's parents, that she is named after)...for those of you who do not know, Violet Grace Rhoads was 6 months old when she died of cancer.  She was the most inspiring and courageous little girl to ever touch this earth..her parents were instrumental, in many ways, in making this adoption happen.  Al and I decided to give Dasha the middle name Violet..today, she asked to make it her first name...after receiving Amy & Justin's blessing...we could not be more elated to announce our daughter Violet Dasha Littel...she is named after an angel, God's perfect creation...we are blessed to call her our daughter, Violet.

Time to get to the truth

In August 2010, God put a 15 year old Ukrainian orphan girl on my heart, and also my husbands. Here we are, May 2011...and this orphan girl is our daughter...of course, if you ask me (and you should, I am her mom which makes me the boss:) she became our daughter February 23, 1995 when she was born..anyway, this blog is not specifically about Dasha...so here we go..

As we are driving from one part of Ukraine to another, all in search of a few documents...I am looking out my window at this beautiful country and listening to worship music on my iPod...my mind is working on overdrive right now..
ADOPTION~ I cannot believe how in less than 1 week, my life has been forever altered..yes, we are gaining the perfect addition to our family!

Everyday I am looking at children of all ages who have no family, no mom and dad, no home..these kids wave and smile at us...they say hello in english just so that we might notice them. I would honestly bet my right arm that as they look at us sitting on the bench with Dasha, they are thinking "please God, why can't they be here for me?" Dear sweet children, I promise you that I wish we could..Lord, I wish we could bring them all home.
I decided to blog about my feelings..not as a lecture, not as a criticism...not even as a pep talk...just for an honest to goodness talk about the truth. WE CAN ALL DO SOMETHING, WE CAN ALL GIVE. SOMETHING.
If you have ever thought about adoption, DO IT. If it's nagging at you..if it's something you wonder about...take the leap..take the leap PLEASE.


I am not saying adopt from Ukraine..this is obviously the country for us..this is where God sent us..but thank the Lord that He doesn't designate the same path for everyone..whether it is a domestic adoption, or internatinal..whether it's a baby or a teenager...it could be your 13 year old cousins' baby...IT DOESN'T MATTER..it's the same impact..it's the giving of your heart that makes a difference in a LIFE..My God people...we are talking about LIFE..SAVE ONE!!
In August of 2010, Al and I did not have $38,000...in fact, we don't have that now! But how much did Dasha's adoption cost?? A little more than $38,000...and did we adopt Dasha? ABSOLUTELY. God made it possible, and He will for you too..."Our God is mighty to save."

There is no denying that Dasha is our daughter because of hundreds of amazing people..God worked through them all..a single mom in FL, who does not know me, and I do not know her...sent us a $10 check with a note apologizing for not being able to send more...ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! That woman strengthened my faith in a perfect God..I will never forget her...and I will squeeze her tight when I meet her in Heaven:)

I am going to take a minute and get really honest...not to toot our horn..not to give you a little TMI:) But simply to paint a real picture for encouragment..I stay home with our 4 (now 5) daughters. My husband is a public school teacher and coach...we live on less than $3,000 per month. We have a beautiful (in my humble opinion:) home...we have 2 vehicles..our kids are involved in several extra activities...we don't vacation much, but we have an incredibly close and loving family. I get to spend everyday with my daughters, and my husband has a job that he wakes up excited to go to every morning. That being said, we didn't have $500 dollars to put toward an adoption, let alone $38,000...yet here we are...not because of anything we have done, but because of eveything God has done...I tell you this so that you are able to understand that we had to work for this..the means were not "just there" for us...The Littel Family is proof that with God, anything is possible. Especially when God works through the hearts of our family, our friends, and people we've never met...I'll take a minute here to thank YOU ALL again for your amazing support...financial, spiritual, and everything else in between...because of you...a 16 year old girl will NOT become a prostitute, will NOT be homless, and will NOT be unloved. BECAUSE OF YOU, BECAUSE OF GOD.

Sooo, not everyone is in a position to adopt..NOT because of financial reasons (I know how to fundraise if anyone wants assistance:) but some countries have strict rules on age, marriage, etc..I don't know much about adoption in the US..but I do know that not everyone can adopt. HOWEVER...EVERYONE can help in some way..there is always something you can give..always something you can do..Big Brother Big Sister, tutor an underprivileged child..take them out to eat, take them to a toy store...volunteer..check with a local church to see where they know of some need that you can help with, mentor a child...sweep your elderly neighbors porch..Mission trips~ Kyle Douglass, Darnells, Caitlin & Allie, you are heroes! Redline, Amanda~Laura~Eleni, complete ROCKSTARS! My very best friend gives to every charity there is..in fact, sometimes I worry that she is duped into donating to charities that might not even exist:) I have several more friends who give in all sorts of ways:) We ALL have something to give...time, love, money, emotional support...a combination of all of the above...I am convinced that if we all play a role, we can change this entire failing world...I am looking around at ALL countries, and seeing kids and families who are suffering beyond belief...reach out, help just one..if each of us does...I seriously cannot even imagine the result..I think God would be proud of His children..I know He would..I know we can do it...

When we first decided to adopt, we had about 70% support, and 30% opposition from our family and friends..the people who opposed our decision had nothing but the best of intentions..but in the most respectful way possible, they were wrong...and those of us who are not doing anything to help the problems in the world now...we are wrong too...don't let the fear of the unknown stop you..don't get stuck in the feeling that you have nothing to offer...I don't even know each person personally who reads my blog...BUT I do know that YOU have something to offer someone...and it ALL makes a difference...

Again, I would like to stress this is not meant to insult anyone...but witnessing what I have these past 6 days has inspired me tremendously to encourage change..to encourage love and support for all of our brothers and sisters in Christ, and even more for those who are lost..

"There's a little flame inside us all, some shine bright, some shine small. The rains will come, and the waters rise...but don't you ever lose your light."

　

Our daughter was born on February 23, 1995...and today, God gave her to us.

I am not sure that I'm skilled enough to put into words just what today was..well, in fact, I am SURE that I am not...so I will do my best to try and share with you what it's like to meet your daughter for the very first time, yet KNOW that she has always been yours.

We got off the train about 8:50am, and took the 2 hour drive (let me say thank goodness for anxiety meds because 100 mph and no seat belts is NOT my idea of feeling secure:) to Dasha's orphanage.  When we passed through the city she was born in, my heart was racing...I imagined her running down the streets with her friends, laughing and playing.  I also let my mind wander to her life there, and whatever happened that lead her to the orphanage..but I had to let that go quickly because Mama (as Dasha calls me) was feeling the claws come out:)

When we pulled up to her orphanage, it was all Al & I could do not to swing open the car door, and roll out of the moving car:)  But we waited, and walked inside with poise.  We sat in the directors (a complete angel) office for a few minutes, waiting for our girl to come in.  The minute she did, tears flowed like crazy and she ran into our arms...she did not let go..which was just fine by us.  I couldn't stop kissing the top of her head, and looking at her unbelievably gorgeous face..the above picture is one my husband was smart enough to capture..we will treasure that forever..it is raw emotion.  Dasha was squeezing us SO hard...pure magic.

We got to spend about 2 hours with her.  She walked us all around, showed us where she sleeps, eats, and goes to school...our daughter would not let go of our hands..ever. She hugged us, she kissed our cheeks...she must have said "I love you" 100 times..."I love you Mama" " I love you Papa"..."Dasha happy"...

In our meeting with the director and inspector, they noted that Dasha resembled her papa (Al)...the smiles on both of their faces...I absolutely WILL NEVER FORGET THAT...for as long as I live.

We ended the day in the field..Al was laying on his side, my head was on top on his stomach (like a T) and our daughter was nestled in my arms..the 3 of us fell asleep until they came to get us..

This is a perfect day, and we have 5 perfect daughters.

SDA appointment is in the books

Today at 11, we had our SDA appointment (to obtain the referral allowing us to visit Dasha's orphanage).  It was brief, and simple.  She asked us to talk about ourselves, our family, and our reasons for wanting to adopt Dasha...all of you know these answers already, so I won't go into them again!:)

Then she pulled out Dasha's "file" which in reality was 1 piece of paper, full on the front and about 1/2 full on the back.  It had a picture of Dasha on it..maybe taken when she was between 5-8??  Ages are tough to determine here..kids look quite young.  She explained that Dasha has been in the orphanage since at least 2006, most likely before that...but they don't have the paperwork??  I don't understand...she explained her family situation, which was exactly what we'd been told months ago..nothing new there.  She explained that Dasha was considered "mentally retarded" and went on to say that she used to wet the bed quite frequently.  Now, this was a very nice woman..but let me tell you..the mom in me was dying to shout "stop talking about my daughter like this!" She is not an object..she is a person, a fragile little girl who has been cast away by those who should have loved her.  My eyes were full of tears as she talked about Dasha like she knew her..how dare she say these things, I thought?  After the appointment I calmed down, and realized that in actuality...this woman probably does know more about Dasha than I do...but Dasha is my daughter, and I am the one who loves her...so I really don't care what's "in her file."  It will never affect what's in my heart..if I could say that in Ukrainian...I would have done just that:)!  Let me clarify that this is not being written in anger...just the best way I know to portray my feelings, and give you a sense of this process.

We were able to travel downtown for our appointments this morning..I cannot figure Ukraine out.  The downtown area is actually really neat..comparable to Chicago...size and set-up.  Our facilitator explained that about 4 million people live in Kiev...it's huge!  Lots of shopping, and very neat buildings.  It appears that downtown is fairly well taken care of..we were told this is as civilized as Ukraine gets.  Take out the different language, and it's quite close to the USA...oh yeah, and the cobblestone roads are unique too:)

Tomorrow between 4-5pm we will pick up our referral, and board an overnight train to Simferopol...I don't know exactly how long this trip will take...I BELIEVE 11 hours...once we arrive there, we will travel by car to Dasha's region.  We will have to meet with directors and officials...and work on paperwork..but not too long after that we should be able to see our daughter!!  I am praying for Thursday..

Sometimes Al will look at me, or I will look at him...we just shake our heads in amazement that we are actually here..this is all becoming real..finally!  More and more, we feel just how blessed we are. 

Neither of us are feeling so great today..could be the different foods, or that we rinsed our toothbrushes in water (ok, that was only me bc I didn't believe Al that it would be that big of a deal..turns out he might be on to something)...we are hoping to get some rest to gear up for the rest of the trip..where we are now in Kiev...well this is as good as it gets in terms of accomodations and safety.  Honestly though, right now I feel like you could have me sleep on the sidewalk..I JUST WANT TO SEE OUR GIRL.

I feel like I already know what Dasha will sound like, smell like, look like, and feel like as I hold her.  How is it possible that a child I've never met has taken my heart and made it her own?  On that note, how is it possible that my one heart has been taken by 5 girls, and one amazing man?  And at the same time, my entire heart has been given to Jesus Christ....it is ONLY through God that this is possible, that's how.  If I were to look at this in a wordly manner..it would be overwhelming, it wouldn't make sense...but thank You Lord, it makes perfect sense to me..it is my life, and it's only because of You.

We've arrived!

After starting our Friday the 13th departure date with a cancelled flight and some VERY drunk passengers holding up the process, we have arrived in Kiev!:)  Thanks to my dad for rushing us to Chicago to catch our next flight, and even with a bit of time to spare...and thamks to American Airlines for finally realizing they could not reason with such intoxication, and booting them off the flight:)

The team that met us at the aiport was very friendly and helpful...they got us all settled in, to what is quite a cozy apartment.  Our facilitator made my day when the first thing he said to us after introductions was "I have a phone and internet modem for you."  Did you read my mind??  My worry was that communication with our daughters (and fam/friends:) would be difficult to impossible..thanks to him for easing that immediately..I have already spoken to my dad, and will talk to the girls today...just have to maneuver through this time difference issue:)

We feel really excited to be in the same country as our daughter!!  As the team explained, she is still very far away from where we are...but hey, we are together in one country...that's an improvement!!  We hope she knows that we're here..I hope she feels one ounce of the overwhelming emotion that I do..because if she does...we are in pretty good shape.  God led us to this point beginning in August 2010, and let me tell ya, He has a hold of my heart right now and it is just bursting with excitement!!  Our daughter...we soon will finally be with our daughter...and even better than that, within 1-2 months...we will be home with ALL 5 of our daughters...this is the only gift I will ever need..for the rest of my life..I'm set..sometimes I feel like these blessings are too much for one person..an amazing husband, 5 perfect daughters...I don't know why You gave them to me God, but I'll continue thanking you for the rest of my life...and then forever after that..

The beginning of the end...it is actually in sight:)

We have our SDA appointment date!!  May 16, 2011 we will begin the process in Ukraine to bring our Dasha home...

Al and I fly out on Friday, May 13 (please DO hold the gasps in...we are not superstitious:)..at least not yet!!

Knowing when we leave is bringing about a million different emotions...the first of which is absolute.pure.joy.  We have been praying for Dasha to come home, and much like every other part of this process, God has answered our prayers...speaking of, if ANY of you ever need proof of our Lord...or you just need a pick-me-up..call me.  You cannot even believe the number of miracles ONLY POSSIBLE THROUGH GOD that have occurred throughout this process...I mean, WOW!!!

Right below our feelings of joy, are feelings of dread. NOT having anything to do with Dasha..we have NO second thoughts...but we do have to leave our other 4 babies behind, and that is tough.  Al keeps saying that sometimes you have to put one of your children first, when they need you...and Dasha IS our child..so in a few weeks, we will be coming to her.  We will put her first, so that by summertime, we will have all 5 of our daughters home where they belong...and again our world will be right...and all of our children will be "first."  I will say, logically I know all of these things...but EVERY SINGLE  TIME I let my mind go to the place where in 3 weeks I won't be tucking anyone in, singing You are My Sunshine at night, kissing chubby cheeks...even changing diapers seems like a luxury when you know that soon you won't be here to do those things...when my mind goes there, my heart breaks.  When I first found out that I would have to leave my girls, I thought "what will they do without me?"  Well, joke is on me...I don't know what I will do without them...I am not even sure I know who I am, without them...not in a bad, I need a life kind of way...but in a "God has blessed me SO abundantly with my daughters that I never want to be away from them" kind of way...

This too shall pass, and soon, our family will be complete...

Thank you for your support...I will keep the updates coming, as we begin the completion of our family..

travel plans

Hi all:)

Our dossier was submitted last week in Ukraine.  We are expecting to travel right around the end of April...everything is becoming real now!  Some members of the team were in Ukraine last week, and they were able to spend some time with Dasha..though she was reserved, she did say that she is excited to come home:)

When we have our court date set, I will be post it immediately...

our team

Just wanted to write a quick post about how fortunate we feel to have such an amazing team.  I was on the phone with David (our adoption agent/coordinator) yesterday when he received notice that two families had been given court dates that were scheduled in TWO SHORT WEEKS!  He could not contain his excitement, and could not wait to contact these families.  How awesome it is for us, to have people like him who are genuinely rooting for these orphans, these families.  And it doesn't end with David...the amount of love and support that's been given to us is overwhelming.  We are humbled, we are blessed...

Thanks to ALL of you.  They say it takes a village to raise a child...I guess it takes one to adopt too:)

dasha

Click here to view this photo book larger

Prayers for Dasha

Good Morning All:)

I have had a few requests to create a specific prayer list for Dasha...what a great idea (thanks Allie)!  If any of you are interested...here it is!:)

• First and foremost, we continue to pray that the adoption DOES go through.  While we feel quite confident, the fact is she did turn 16, and we do not have her yet. We were granted the extension, but lets be honest..this is a pretty up & down, back & forth ride. We are NOT worried that it won't go through, we just continue to pray for it...and put our trust in the Lord that this is His plan.
• We pray that our time in Ukraine goes smoothly.  We pray that no one comes out of the woodwork to try and complicate, or stop the adoption.  This has happened for quite a few of the other families who've already been to Ukraine to adopt their children. We pray that if that DOES happen, that Dasha can see through the scheme and knows how much we want her...how much we love her.  To give an example, there have been  some family members of children being adopted, who've come to court and said that the adoptive parents only wanted to bring the child home (USA) to hurt them..that they would be unsafe...and these family members asked for money from the parents adopting.  We are definitely praying that this does not happen.
• We pray that Dasha feels comfortable with Al and me, and with her 4 sisters who already adore her:) We pray that she feels the same way we do...that there is no difference in the amount of love.  That we CHOSE her...that we will always CHOOSE her.  God gave us Gracie, Bella, Maddy & Kate because He knew we were a perfect match.  He also knew what we did not, that our perfect match wasn't quite finished...so then He gave us Dasha.  Oh how we pray that she FEELS this.
• We pray that Dasha adjusts as well as possible.  There is a particular family who is really in turmoil right now...these amazing parents adopted 2 children from the Ukraine and they have 2 biological children as well.  These orphans have been through SO much in their short lives...and now that they are safe and loved, all of their pain and heartache is coming out.  While I pray for Dasha's adjustment to happen smoothly, I also pray that this family is able to heal and come together soon too.  You want to talk about a strong mom and dad...well, this family has it!!  Please pray for them too.
• We pray that Dasha is able to learn English quickly, that she is able to get into the most age appropriate grade as possible and that she is not too far behind educationally.
• A BIG one...we pray that Dasha is able to gain self-esteem, and learns that she is worth the world.  We pray that she doesn't seek the wrong kind of attention (mainly from boys).  This is a common problem for girls everywhere, and at every age. We are aware that Dasha already leans toward low self-esteem, and seeks attention.   We pray that we are able to quickly instill a strong sense of self-worth and confidence in her that NO ONE can shatter.
• We pray that our family is able to blend...through counseling for Dasha individually as well as with all 7 of us:) We pray that through counseling, and through her learning to trust that she IS part of a real family...that Dasha is able to have total emotional healing from anything & everything she has been through in her short life.
• Most of all, we pray that Dasha continues on her walk with the Lord.  If she does this, then each of the preceding prayers will naturally fall into place.

On top of these prayers for Dasha...one last thing that our family is continually praying for is our 4 daughters back home.  When we leave for Ukraine, we will be gone 3-4 weeks.  That is SUCH a long time for children to be away from their parents.  We are praying that Gracie, Bella, Maddy and Kate don't miss us too much, don't hurt because of our absence, and are able to laugh and play just as if everything is normal.  A special prayer from their mommy~I pray that Maddy & Kate (because of their ages) don't forget my face, my smell, or my voice. I pray that they are not scared of me (from not understanding) when I return.  We just really pray that the girls get it...that they understand why we are leaving.  We pray that all of the letters, DVD recordings of reading books and telling them how much we love them, and SKYPE, are enough to soothe the girls while we are gone.  We love all 5 of our babies more than our hearts can hold..and leaving one for the other is never easy...I guess sometimes it is just something we have to get through...

Thanks for all of your continued support!

Love,

The Littels

all 7 of us:)

Pictures!

I sent this email to my "Dasha contacts" today...but I know there are many supporters whose email addresses I do not have so I want to extend this photo offer to any of you!!  If you would like to be included in the photo book, please send me your picture by tomorrow night!!  Thanks so much:)

Hello all!:)

Our friend Laura is heading to Ukraine in March for a Mission Trip.  She will get the chance to see Dasha, and has generously offered to take anything we wanted to send her.  I am composing a photo book for Dasha, so that she is able to learn her family members, her house, church and school.  I thought it would be neat to fill the last page up with photos of people who have supported her along the way...and who are excited to get her home!  If you would like to be included in the book, please email me a photo that I can put right in.  I am making it on Shutterfly, so I hope to order by tomorrow...sorry for the short notice:)  Laura leaves on the 17th, so I need to have time for the book to get to NC before that!

Thanks so much...hope all is well:)

Letter from OJM clarification

Some of you may have received, or might receive, a letter from OJM about tax deductions.  I've had a few phone calls from people concerned that we were going to lose donations that were made specifically for Dasha.  Let me assure you, this is NOT the case!

I spoke with Kyle (Exec. Dir) last night to get complete clarification.  You have 3 options according to the letter.

1. Reply in a letter/email specifying that you want your donation JUST for Dasha, in which case it will NOT be tax deductible.  This is according to the IRS. (Someone brought up the question of whether or not Al and I would have to count this as income...we DO NOT)

2. DEFAULT OPTION  you do not reply, your donation is considered a general donation to OJM, and therefore IS tax deductible. Your donation WILL benefit             Dasha's adoption fund, and we will not lose any money from her account.  This basically states that should her adoption end up totaling less than what we've raised    (don't worry, a miracle won't even let that happen:) then whatever is left over will be kept in OJM to be used for their mission..which is a fantastic one I might add:)

3. You request that your donation is returned.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me:)

Thanks!!