It is currently 7:37pm in Ukraine. We’ve left Kiev, and are flying to Simferopol…our final destination in this 4 flight process. Al and I have been awake for over 30 hours right now…and we are dragging. As we were taking off, I was staring out the window at the land below me…the Ukrainian land that is currently home to my daughter. All at once, I realized the magnitude of these next 3 days. And I wanted to jump up and down and make someone, anyone, hear me. How is it possible that we are back here again, to fight for something that should have been automatic? Something that is right, in every single aspect? I cannot figure this out…I can only hope it becomes part of the story we get to tell our daughters for years and years to come. The story that ends with our oldest daughter coming home, to Paw Paw MI…where she has always belonged. If this is the outcome we reach, I’d do all of this 100 times over…
I have been so faithful these past few days…just really believing that justice will prevail at 10:30am on Wednesday morning. So why now, am I letting nervousness take me? I believe God gave us our daughter, so why can’t I believe the Ukrainian government will give her to us?
I am scared to death. I am scared that the words I’ve been imagining hearing from the judge, will not be the words that he actually says. I’m afraid that we’ve given hope to a girl, promised her a family that we may not be able to give her. And all of this lies in the hands of people that I cannot say this very thing to…
I have SO much to say…so many thoughts, so much emotion to cover. I cannot imagine my life without Violet, I don’t know what my house will be like, if she is not in it. Last week, Bella got emotional…and teary eyed saying that she really wanted to see Violet. So how do I explain this to a judge? How do I tell him that the decision isn’t actually his…she is already our daughter, our sister, our niece, our granddaughter. We need a few papers signed by the judge..but we don’t need an answer…God gave us the answer August 15, 2010.
So if I know all of these things, and I desperately do…I believe them in the deepest part of my soul…how do I ignore the nerves and the fears? How do I stop picturing my daughter’s life if she is to remain in Ukraine? I don’t want to give doubt a way to creep in…with everything in my being I want to push it away…I just feel like I don’t know how. I feel unsettled, and I don’t feel a peace about our hearing…and there is no way to describe how much that scares me.
Please, please pray for these 3 judges. Please pray that God would speak into their hearts…that He would open their eyes to our family and the place that Violet has in it. Please pray for strength for Violet…as hard as this is for us…I know it is unimaginably worse for her. She knows what her life becomes, if she does not come home with us. She needs God to give her all the peace and comfort her beautiful heart needs to feel whole. Our daughter needs us…please pray for that to be apparent when we go to court on Wednesday.
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