Tuesday 8/9

We had a meeting with the attorney today, and then went to Violet's new orphanage.  It is a nice place, I guess.  Al recorded when we saw her for the first time, so when I get home I'll share it...we don't have the proper cords with us to post it now.

It was a wonderful feeling to hold her in my arms again...she didn't let go, and neither did I.  She was so eager to talk with us.  We had a tough time getting the computer to work, so we refrenced the English/Russian dictionary a lot.  It didn't take long before we could just understand eachother though!!  Right back to where we left off when we were in Ukraine last time!  The BIGGEST blessing is that she did know we were coming...that was my biggest fear.  When we left last time, she was afraid we would not come back.  It is pointless to try and reassure someone who only knows how to be let down that you will return for her...when we asked her today if she knew, she shook her head in a very excited yes.  My heart smiled at that....

This new orphanage director said that she believes if Violet had been in school from the beginning, she would not have any issues with learning...seems to me someone else has said that from Day 1..oh yes, it was her mother, ME.  I do not say this to spite anyone..I just say it to prove the bond between a mother and her children...not always a biological mother either...just a real mother, which is how I define myself with it comes to Violet Dasha  Littel.

I cannot even begin to cover the mixed emotions that Al and I are experiencing right now..one minute we are confident tomorrow will go our way, and the next, we expect the worse.  Two things worth noting though...take them as you wish.

1) I have been praying, about 90% of each day...that's what I'm doing:)  I have asked for God to show me some sort of sign...I don't want to go in tomorrow expecting to walk out with my daughter (in the legal manner), only to have the appeal denied.  Last time, we were completely shocked...we were not prepared...I cannot face that much heartbreak at one time again..so I've just been praying for Him to give me a peace, either way.  So yesterday, on our flights from Chicago to Germany, and then from Germany to Kiev..our seats were 23E and 23F..both flights, the exact same seats.  Al, Violet, and I all have birthdays on the 23rd..E could be for effort (which we have all shown) and F for family, or February (Vi's bday), or Finally:)lol...I am no fool...I know this could be a simple coincidence....and if this has happened to you before...same exact seat, 2 different flights...please don't tell me because I am grasping on to anything right now.

2) I absolutely cannot picture my life without Violet.  I can't imagine not waking her up in the morning for school, and I can't imagine her not being there for the holidays, birthdays etc...I truly can't even envision what that would be like...so I feel like that just has to mean something. Right?

We got to spend time with Violet's friends Christina and Vlera today...what I wouldn't give to find them a home..preferably in Paw Paw, MI:)  Those are two absolutely amazing girls and they adore our daughter.  They love to sit with us when we are there...we could read the phonebook to them, wouldn't matter.  They just love to be noticed, to be valued.  They just want someone to SEE them...girls, I promise I see you...and I will continue to see you for the rest of my life.

We talked to our facilitator today about ways to get them to the USA...even on an exchange program or something.  I just don't understand why it's so hard to bring these girls to our wonderful country..I feel something stirring inside of me, like digging deeper, pushing past barriers to create new rules for these orphans. I mean, these are kids bright enough to change the world...happy enough to make you permanently smile..and loving enough to wrap your heart.  We need them...more than they need us.  They are a beautiful gift...

I pray every person has the opportunity to visit an orphanage.  Do not shy away from it...don't be scared of the pain, or what you will see.  Let's get it out of the way right now...you will hurt.  You will see the worst side of awful.  But more than that, you will see God's most precious gifts...and they will open your eyes forever.